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Sunday, December 30, 2007

Fun Monday

Welcome to another Fun Monday!! Peter over at Holtie's House is our illustrious host this week (Thank you Peter!). Our assignment was the following:

The task for Fun Monday Dec.31 is designed to do several things;
Finish the year with a smile on our faces.
Give us a use for that Fwd that’s cluttering up the inbox.
Put the fun into Fun Monday.
I want you to tell us your favorite joke and/or show usyour favorite cartoon, don’t worry if there is someduplication that just means more than one personfound it funny.So come on and regale us with your best joke and/or cartoon, remember its New Years Eve and we feel like a good laugh, before 2008 comes along and does its thing on us.

Well, I love a good laugh so I had a hard time just choosing one!! Here goes nothing...

How about a political one?

A lot of folks can't understand how we came
to have an oil shortage here in our country.
~~~
Well, there's a very simple answer.
~~~
Nobody bothered to check the oil.
~~~
We just didn't know we were getting low.
~~~
The reason for that is purely geographical.
~~~
Our OIL is located in
~~~
ALASKA
~~~
California
~~~
Coastal Florida
~~~
Coastal Louisiana
~~~
Kansas
~~~
Oklahoma
~~~
Pennsylvania
and
Texas
~~~
Our
DIPSTICKS
are located in
Washington , DC !!!

How about one about dogs....I love my dogs!!!

Ten Peeves that Dogs Have About Humans

'1' Blaming your farts on me..... not funny... not funny at all !!!
'2' Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG
'3' Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
'4' Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop it!
'5' Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
'6' The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
'7' Taking me to the vet for 'the big snip', then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
'8' Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
'9' Dog sweaters. Hello ??? Haven't you noticed the fur?
'10' How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.
Now lay off me on some of these things. We both know who's boss here! You don't see me picking up your poop do you?



And finally, how about one that is about a dog AND a politician?



A young cowboy from Montana goes off to college, but half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home. "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Bozeman that will teach our dog, Old Blue how to talk!""That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?""Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course."So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home."So how's Ol' Blue doing, son," his father asks."Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"
"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."The money promptly arrives.But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!""Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messing' around with that little redhead who lives in town?"The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to become a successful lawyer

...... And now he is a Congressman



Hope you had a good laugh....now head on over to Holtie's House to visit all the other Fun Monday Participants and laugh some more!!

20 comments:

mjd said...

Indeed, "Our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington, DC."... very funny. Happy New Year

Cynthia said...

Good ones!!!!!

lisa's chaos said...

I loved the last one! Didn't see that coming!

Peter said...

Loved 'em all Alison, but the dipsticks really got me.

Hootin' Anni said...

I love the dipsticks!!!

Did you know why the Nativity Scene cannot be displayed in D.C.? Because no one can find 3 wise men OR a virgin!!!!

Mine's posted! Come laugh with me today!!!

laurie said...

whoa! that third joke is chilling!

love the dog list, though. our dogs have exactly the same gripes about us.

and the dipsticks is a classic!

kitten said...

Cute!

Retrohipster said...

LOL I need to have a talk with my dogs!!!

Kaycie said...

My hubby laughed out loud as I read the ten pet peeves of dogs to him. Thanks for the chuckle, from both of us!

Tiggerlane said...

The ten peeves are awesome...and that Dog Whispering stuff? Your list akes me think of how my dog must feel when I try those techniques on him. Funny!

Sandy said...

Now I know where my money AND my dog went! Just kidding. Great joke, though.

Alix said...

They were all very funny - LOL

Sauntering Soul said...

I laughed at all of them!

alisonwonderland said...

good laughs! i particularly enjoyed the last one! happy monday - and happy new year.

from the "other" alison!

Robinella said...

So funny that I hope your don't mind but I just copied the "10 things..." one to send to some dog people I know. FUNNY!

ChrisB said...

These had me LOL and I had to read them to the family as we wait to ring in the new year.

Aoj & The Lurchers said...

"Dipsticks are in Washington"....that is very funny!!

Kaytabug said...

LMAO at the dipsticks!! The dog was was funny too!!! Happy New Year!!

Pamela said...

visiting late (was out of town for New Years)

I 've heard these all before, but somehow you can never hear that dipstick one enough.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee. I like them all, but the dog list is my favourite. :D