this journey begins here
The following day I called our adoption agency and gave them L's information. Contact was made between them and L, paperwork was sent to her.....the process had begun!!! Our agency informed us that we would need to retain an agency in South Carolina also, due to their state laws. They were able to recommend one for us and we contacted them. Paperwork was flying between California and South Carolina. Everything was falling into place. Well, almost everything. Unfortunately the birthfather refused to sign any papers and was being difficult. We did not allow this to deter us....the process continued.
The baby was due the beginning of February..it was now August...it seemed like a lifetime away. We busied ourselves getting the room ready and gathering baby supplies. We redid the nursery. This turned into a complete labor of love. My mom and I stripped the old wallpaper off the walls. Dave and I painted the walls a cheery yellow color. My dear friend, who ended up becoming one of this baby's godmothers, and I painted the ceiling a soft sky blue. Our wonderful friend's twin daughters painted clouds on the ceiling. The room was lovingly completed by many hands....just like our children are lovingly raised by many hands. A true labor of love.
We were in constant communication with L. We spoke on the phone constantly and emailed pictures of each other. She really wanted us to fly to South Carolina and meet her in person. Unfortunately, this was not possible for numerous reasons. We did the next best thing...we sent her a video of us and our house. We filmed every aspect of our house, outside and inside. We filmed each other and our pets. It was a wonderful glimpse into our home. L loved it. She told me her favorite part of the video was at the end. Dave was filming me talking to L. I was sitting on the floor and Cassie was standing in front of me. Cassie started walking backwards and then sat in my lap without turning around. When L saw that, she saw the blind trust Cassie had in me to be there for her and to catch her. It was then she knew she wanted her baby to be in our family.
L was receiving regular prenatal care and had her first ultrasound.....she also started feeling pregnant and felt the baby move for the first time. She called me, very excited and I shared this wondrous news with her. Our phone conversations started taking a turn at this point. Fortunately, she was very honest with me...and I appreciated this and thanked her for it. She was vacillating in her decision. The baby was becoming a reality to her and she was not sure she could follow through with her adoption plan. My premonition was coming true.
By this time I had strong feelings for her. I really cared for her and her mother. We had established a relationship. I spoke to her mother as much as I spoke to her. Her mother was 100% committed to the adoption plan...L was not. I felt for her. She was making a momentous decision that would affect her entire life.
In November we were having a phone conversation that was very typical of our conversations at that time. L was vacillating in her decision. I finally said to her -
"You are about to make a decision that will affect you your entire life. I have no doubt in my mind that you will make an excellent mother and you have wonderful support from your family. If you choose to place your baby for adoption we will give him a wonderful home and promise to keep the adoption open and loving towards you. You and only you can make this decision. You need to make this on your own, without any distractions. I am a distraction. I will let you go now so you can make your decision. Whatever you decide will be right for you. Whatever you decide, please let me know. I love you L, good luck."
We hung up the phone and I cried....