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Saturday, February 23, 2008

Footprints of a Family, our second adoption journey, part 3

part one, part two


Saying that I actually slept on the couch that night is a euphenism. What I actually did was think, cry, pray....I was a tortured soul that night. I knew with all my heart and soul that our family was not complete. I loved my little girl immensely and I longed for another child to love, another life to mold. I felt intense anger towards my husband, the distance I felt from him was palpable. We may have been in the same house, but we were miles apart.


The next morning my husband woke and went to work. Not a word was shared between us, neither a look nor a touch. It was very painful. My heart was breaking. Was this worth it? Was an unknown child worth the health and happiness of our marriage, our known child, and our family? I lay in our bed that morning after Dave went to work and did some soul searching.


Soon our daughter woke up and my day began. I was still a Mom to this wonderful little angel. I looked in her eyes that morning and knew the answers to my questions.....No....it was not worth it. Our little angel deserved a happy home, she deserved to live with two parents who adored her and each other. She deserved a complete family where love and laughter abounded. That complete family would be only three people and I was okay with that.


Mid morning our phone rang. It was my husband. I was thrilled to hear his voice and excited to tell him about my revelation. He asked me to please listen to him first.


"I am sorry", he said. "Before I went to work this morning I went to give Cassie a kiss goodbye. I stared at her for a moment and I realized how selfish I was being. I was letting my fear stand in the way of our family. I hate the adoption process, but we don't have a choice. Cassie deserves to have a sibling. I am willing to go through the process again and have our family grow."


Tears streamed down my face as I replied to him.


"I am sorry too. I have been very preoccupied with my wants and longings and have not been overly sensitive to yours. I too looked at our daughter this morning, and my wish for her is to grow up in a happy home. I wish this more than I long for another child. I will be happy as a family of three, I will be content."


At this time we both are weepy. We conquered our impasse, we came to a compromise. We met in the middle by understanding each other's needs. Our marriage grew stronger that day.


We talked about the situation. It is funny how once we understood each other's viewpoint and stance, we changed our own. In that understanding we were able to come to a decision together that we both agreed on. Without any cajoling, prodding, angry words, or sad tears....we both decided to adopt another child. We decided to open our hearts to another angel to love. We decided to give our precious daughter a sibling. We were a united front moving in unison towards one goal....creating a family of four.


We called our adoption agency and the rollercoaster ride began.....little did we know what we were in for....


to be continued

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

i am so excited for part 4

Karen said...

I've so been enjoying these posts!! I know I don't comment much, but I'm still reading. My sister is in the process of adopting her second baby, and I'm so excited to meet him!! Thanks so much for sharing your stories!!

Tera said...

I can't tell you how many times I come back looking for the next part. Your posts are riveting and just bring me so much joy. I can't wait to hear the rest of the story. Thank you for bearing your heart and soul.

Aoj & The Lurchers said...

Ooh you do like leaving us on a cliff-hanger don't you!!?

"It is funny how once we understood each other's viewpoint and stance, we changed our own" - how very true that is.

Beccy said...

Isn't it great that you both came to understand and appreciate the feelings of each other.

suchsimplepleasures said...

i am loving this one, as much as the first journey!!
xoxoxo

ChrisB said...

You were both amazing to understand each other's view point and to have reached the compromise stage at the same time!

Kim said...

Have I mentioned I hate cliffhangers?

Heather said...

Wow! I'm holding back the tears. I love reading about strong marriages. Can't wait to read more.

Kelly said...

Your love for each other is so true and beautiful. I know that the love I have for my husband is what saw us through the rough road that is adoption. Your posts speak directly to my heart.

Sandy said...

You are not only defining family wonderfully well, but you have also defined marriage. They are not always the same thing....

Sherryl said...

ok, yet again, you bring tears to my eyes and I know this story and the ending.....

Pamela said...

My mind never considered all the trials before even making that decision.

Irene Latham said...

Your post makes me think of the old saying "if you love something set it free -- it it comes back to your it is yours, if it doesn't it was never meant to be." There is something about reaching that point of letting something go, which both you and your husband did, that freed you. Then, voila!, you were in a different place all of a sudden. It's really a beautiful metamorphosis, what life's all about... and isn't it like the best feeling ever to be on the same page with one's spouse?? We are so much stronger as a team. Keep the chapters coming... xxoo

Around The Funny Farm said...

Yay! I love reading this story.

Beth

lisa marie said...

Oh how cool that you both looked at your daughter and saw each other's hearts. :) Yea, we're going on another journey. :)

Jo Beaufoix said...

I love the relationship you and ave have with each other. I get the feeling this journey isn't going to be as easy as the first, but what a team you are. Hugs.

Stella said...

I really don't think it's fair that you keep us hanging like this....
;)
I've really been enjoying reading your story and finding out more about you and your family!

Alix said...

I'm so glad you came to an understanding.
I may have to save these posts up so I can read them in one go - your worse than 24 with the cliff hangers:)

Chrys said...

The two of you are amazing people and because of your understanding and loving each other you will bring up strong wonderful productive children to be great leaders. That mutual understanding and realization of where the other is coming from is crucial and marriage saving! Gosh, I love you guys and I have never even met ya! Your life stories are amazing.

Marie around the World said...

Wow, I loved that post !
It really spoke to my heart too, letting go what you really want to make important your love to each other...it's not easy, it's not for every couple but it makes a marriage and a family stronger than you can imagine...

Andrya said...

Do either of you know how inspiring it i to see how amazingly your marriage works?

Dave has inspired me my whole life. As a little girl, I learned that I could accept my disabilities as part of who I was because of him. And now, as a woman on the verge of her wedding day, you two are one of the only solid, functional relationships I have ever been witness to. Thank you for being so open with me and everyone else. Thank you for teaching and inspiring me. Thank you for being in my life and for taking the rollrcoaster ride to bring your two amazing children into it as well. I'm so blessed to have you. All of you.
And, I love you all so much.