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Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Footprints of a Family, our second adoption journey, part 2

part one

A compromise was impossible in this situation. We were at an impasse, another fork in the road, no middle ground.

My husband approached me one day with the brilliant idea of getting another dog. What a wonderful idea, he thinks. A wonderful distraction from the never ending pestering about another baby. Of course, his thought process is completely lost on me. I am eager for another life to love and nurture, albeit one of the four legged variety...it will do. And so, our Zack comes into our home. Our big black galoot...and my pestering is quieted temporarily.

Time passes, the novelty of our new four legged family member wanes a bit. My heart starts longing for a new two legged family member again. The cajoling begins again. The discussions, the tears, the longing, the pleas.

My husband approached me again with another wonderful idea. He would like to knock down the wall between our daughter's room and the nursery in order to make a larger room. His idea is to move us into the large room and move our daughter into our room. Sounds wonderful....but there is one problem....that would eliminate our nursery. Where would we put our next baby? Hmmm.....he can't fool me this time. I am getting smarter and wiser, more savvy to his ways.

"Sorry honey...that won't work....we need the nursery for our next baby. I am not giving up on this. Our daughter needs a sibling."

More talks, more tears, more heated debates, more frustrations for both of us.

During this time my mom was out of town and my dad was alone. I usually phoned him nightly to check up on him and to chat. One night I was unable to contact him. My anxiety heightened as the evening progressed. Finally I was convinced that something was wrong and I needed to run over to his house to check on him. I had a problem though. Cassie was asleep. Dave was not home. I couldn't leave the house. I phoned one of my brothers, explained to him my fears. He went over to Dad's house to check on him. Fortunately, he was fine. That night solidified my belief that Cassie needed a sibling. I did not want her to be alone. I wanted her to have a sibling she could call on for help and support. I did not want her to take of elderly parents by herself.

When Dave returned home that night, I explained all of this to him. He immediately went into his defensive mode, "shut down and don't talk about it". I was furious, more furious than I have ever been during this time.

I slept on the couch that night.

to be continued...

22 comments:

Kathryn said...

What a long, hard road.
I am really enjoying this series. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Beccy said...

Sounds like a very difficult time for you both. I can understand your longing for Cassie to have a sibling.

ChrisB said...

Difficult as this must have been for you, I had to chuckle at the distractions! I'm trying to imagine all the strategies you might employ to get him to change his mind~ so looking forward to next installment!!

Sandy said...

Why is that always their answer? Here, honey, have a puppy!

Terrific story and you write it very well. Thank you.

Alix said...

A hard decision and a difficult time but it is a great story thanks for sharing.
As an only child I do wish I had, had a sibling.

Around The Funny Farm said...

Every only child I know wanted a sibling.

Kelly said...

What were his reasons? Was it fear of the whole process or of having two? i can"y wait to read more.

Fiona said...

Why do men do that "shut down" thing. Drives me nuts...

Chrys said...

I am so excited to hear how his heart softened to another child. Actually, not a child but to be put through the adoption process again! Pins and needles waiting.

Sassy said...

I am thinking this story has a happy ending.
Nice, how you have reeled us all in though, we thank you as we sit on the edge of our seat, waiting for a new post, hungry, tired and needing to potty really really badly...
so, THIS DOES END WELL RIGHT????

Wishin' and hopin' and prayin'....and still needin' to potty...

Kim said...

I love your adoptions stories! Keep 'em coming!

Oh, and tag, you're it.

Irene Latham said...

Hi Alison - we too got a dog to try to still the baby urge!! Her name was Daisy, and we called her our "one-day dog." Because that's how long it took for me to jump back on the baby train. The puppy was cute, but it didn't cure my longing for a baby. And it was my father-in-law's death that convinced us 3 kids was the way to go. There were 3 of them, and when he died suddenly, it was like each sibling was so necessary to the process of moving through that transition. I can't explain it exactly -- like your experience with your father, it was just a impossible-to-be-ignored feeling. So cute, you sleeping on the couch! You're a fighter -- I love that about you. :)
Thanks for checking on me... I am still not all the way better. And now I am mad because of that. Sigh.
I love the footprint pic -- been meaning to say. xxoo

suchsimplepleasures said...

i can't stand that feeling...of being so convinced of something...really wanting it...and hubby doesn't agree and, that intense anger where the thought of being near him is excruciating!
and...i'll be sending you tickets...we'll both go to fantasy island!!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Joeprah said...

What a great book these would make. Such difficult times with your eye always on the goal, inspiring.

Marie around the World said...

Wow, how can he refuse ? Did you ask ? Ask hime if you haven't done it yet, I am dying to know more.
No more sleeping in the couch, you have to de-dramatize the situation, keep your cools (I know, it's easy to write).
I am all ears (so to speak) !!

amanda said...

I hope the couch was comfortable. :) Seriously. Uncomfortable couches are the worst to sleep on! :)

bermudabluez said...

My daughter is an only child and she has already been thinking about how she is going to handle me and her father when we are old...at least she has half-sisters! Her father had two more kids after we divorced. Looking forward to the rest of your story...I wish my husband would let me get another puppy...

Jennifer said...

Grrrrrr....hate series!!!

Sherryl said...

Hi Cuz,
I'm lucky, I have you. I know this story, at least parts, and I remember the ending so very well. I love hearing how your write your story, (you should write a book)you have such a way with words. I'll be looking for part 3.
Love you

Anonymous said...

I like my story better!
But i still like it a lot.
I love your blog your friday funnys make me laugh. I especsily like the boyfriend girlfriend pharmasist one.

Jo Beaufoix said...

This must have all been so painful for you both. Sighhh.

Andrya said...

ERRR!!! Mike does that too!!! He gets all stubborn and just, like, ignores me!!! OOH!!! It makes me so mad!!!

And isn't that just like men to think a dog will fix it? I love you Dave, but man, a dog? You ARE stubborn! I love Zack, don't get me wrong, and I can see why you didn't want to go through the whole process again when you have a perfectly wonderful daughter already, but a dog? REALLY?!?! That's so YOU!!! You big goober!!!

I LOVE YOU!!