A compromise was impossible in this situation. We were at an impasse, another fork in the road, no middle ground.
My husband approached me one day with the brilliant idea of getting another dog. What a wonderful idea, he thinks. A wonderful distraction from the never ending pestering about another baby. Of course, his thought process is completely lost on me. I am eager for another life to love and nurture, albeit one of the four legged variety...it will do. And so, our Zack comes into our home. Our big black galoot...and my pestering is quieted temporarily.
Time passes, the novelty of our new four legged family member wanes a bit. My heart starts longing for a new two legged family member again. The cajoling begins again. The discussions, the tears, the longing, the pleas.
My husband approached me again with another wonderful idea. He would like to knock down the wall between our daughter's room and the nursery in order to make a larger room. His idea is to move us into the large room and move our daughter into our room. Sounds wonderful....but there is one problem....that would eliminate our nursery. Where would we put our next baby? Hmmm.....he can't fool me this time. I am getting smarter and wiser, more savvy to his ways.
"Sorry honey...that won't work....we need the nursery for our next baby. I am not giving up on this. Our daughter needs a sibling."
More talks, more tears, more heated debates, more frustrations for both of us.
During this time my mom was out of town and my dad was alone. I usually phoned him nightly to check up on him and to chat. One night I was unable to contact him. My anxiety heightened as the evening progressed. Finally I was convinced that something was wrong and I needed to run over to his house to check on him. I had a problem though. Cassie was asleep. Dave was not home. I couldn't leave the house. I phoned one of my brothers, explained to him my fears. He went over to Dad's house to check on him. Fortunately, he was fine. That night solidified my belief that Cassie needed a sibling. I did not want her to be alone. I wanted her to have a sibling she could call on for help and support. I did not want her to take of elderly parents by herself.
When Dave returned home that night, I explained all of this to him. He immediately went into his defensive mode, "shut down and don't talk about it". I was furious, more furious than I have ever been during this time.
I slept on the couch that night.
to be continued...
Tuesday, February 19, 2008