The Fear Factor

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Every Wednesday evening Cassie has a tutoring session for an hour in Berkeley. I always bring our dog and go for a walk while she is learning Algebra. The tutoring center is near the University and I love walking in the area. There are some beautiful homes and gardens and sometimes I walk through the campus and people watch. If you have ever been to Berkeley, you know that it is a very interesting city that has a large homeless population.

Normally, I am not scared of a homeless person, but I am very aware of my surroundings at all times.

Tonight was a normal Wednesday night. Michael came with us and we dropped Cassie off and went on our walk. When Michael joins us we always cut our walk short by about 15 minutes so he can have some play time at the park nearby. We had a very nice walk and Michael was very excited to have his park time. He ran to the park and immediately began swinging on the swings. Next to the park are basketball courts and there is always a group of men/boys playing, usually more than one game is going on and tonight was no different.

We had just arrived at the park and I was just about to sit down when I noticed a man walking across the street. He was obviously a homeless man and he was looking at me and began to walk towards me very purposefully. I did not sit down, but remained standing and had my dog standing in front of me. As he came closer I realized that he was a very large man, over 6 ft. tall. He walked right up to me and we had the following conversation:

Homeless Man (HM): What are you afraid of?

Me: Excuse me?

HM: (getting agitated) What are you afraid of?

Me: Nothing. I am not afraid of anything.

HM: You are afraid of the dogs fighting. They were fighting yesterday weren't they?

Me: Yes they were.

HM: They didn't mean to, it was not on purpose.

Me: No, it was an accident.

HM: I thought so.

He then walked away to bother the basketball players. To set the record straight...I was very scared....bravado was what kept my knees from buckling. He had the most gorgeous eyes, in color, but his eyes were full of anger, confusion, and madness. He was definitely "not all there". He was definitely capable of violence, and I was definitely scared.

I called Michael to me and we left very quickly. I did not want to wait around to see what would transpire between Homeless Man and the basketball players.

Looks can be deceiving. Although I appeared nonchalant and maintained constant eye contact with Homeless Man, I was petrified and had massive amounts of adrenaline coursing through my body. I was not aware of what my dog was doing, or Michael, or anyone. I was completely concentrated on Homeless Man, waiting for him to attack. As I look back on this incident I can't believe my behavior. I am afraid of my own shadow. I don't like to walk at night, I don't like to be alone, I am a chicken. You never know how you are going to react until you are thrust into a situation. You may just surprise yourself.

This reminded me of the time my wallet was stolen....I will save that for another post.