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Saturday, January 26, 2008

Our Adoption Journey, Part 9

if you are just joining us, please start here and follow the links to this post

Five Days. In Five Days our dream would come true. We would be parents. We will become a Family of Three. We will lose our DINK (double income no kids) status, and we could not be happier.

Those five days were a whirlwind. We were afraid they would creep by, but they didn't. Our home was ready to welcome a newborn. Our families were ready to welcome their first grandchild and first neice. It was a very exciting time. Not only were we becoming parents for the first time, our parents were becoming grandparents for the first time. Both grandmothers were very excited to be having a granddaughter!!

Finally, the morning of May 31, 1995 is arrived. A is scheduled to have her C-section at 8:30 in the morning. It is a Wednesday, which means traffic for us driving to the hospital. We don't want to be late, how horrible would that be?? We leave our house at 6:30 to make the drive to the hospital. Traffic is light, we are there in plenty of time. We are so excited, we can barely contain ourselves. I don't think our feet touched the ground when we walked. We were literally floating with giddiness.

During A's pregnancy we obtained a doula for her at her request. This woman was a godsend. She was a highly spiritual woman and had a peaceful, serene demeanor. Her name was Debra, we called her an angel. She met with A during her pregnancy, answered questions, formed a bond. She was going to help her through labor. When the C-section plan went into effect, Debra stayed also, even though there would not be a labor. We are very thankful she did....she was a godsend this day.

We walked into the hospital and went up to the labor and delivery floor. We immediately saw A's parents and gave them a hug. They were very worried and anxious for their daughter, but they were also very excited for us. We still cannot believe the level of generosity this family bestowed upon us. A had already been given her spinal and unfortunately, she was very sick from it and was not up to visitors. Debra came out of her room and gave us a hug, told us all was well, A was a bit nauseous, but OK, her spirits were up. The doctor came out of the room to talk to us while they were transporting A to the operating room. He told us that we would be able to go into the nursery immediately after the birth. Apparently the nursery was connected to the OR and when we saw a baby brought in "through that door, that is your baby and come in" were his exact words. The surgery should only take about 20 minutes he said and then he left.

And we waited....and we waited....20 minutes felt like 20 hours. We visited with A's parents for a while. We then planted ourselves outside the nursery window, watching, waiting. This was the first adoption the hospital had participated in....let me clarify...the first open adoption like ours. The nurses were excited about the event also.

Finally, the door opens and in walks the doctor carrying the most beautiful baby we had ever seen. He holds her up to show us and motions us to come in. We go to the door, get buzzed in and wash up. A nurse calls over to us - "What is her name?". We answer - "We don't know. We need to see her." The nurse holds her up and both say at the same time - "Her name is Cassie."

By this time we are scrubbed up and have gowns on and are able to go over to this precious bundle to touch her for the first time, to look at her, to feel instantaneous love. Tears are rolling down our faces. Debra walks into the nursery to be with us. A is fine, she tells us, she is finishing up and will be transported to a room. At this point Cassie opens her eyes for the first time. Debra points this out to us and says - "Her spirit is entering her body right now and she is happy. She knows you are her parents and is peaceful and happy about it." Tears flow again...or did they ever stop?

At some point I remember that A's parents are watching through the window. I turn to them, with tears in my eyes and mouth the words - "She is beautiful". They nod at me with tears rolling down their face, then they turn to their daughter to comfort and be with her, as I turn back to my daughter.

The nurses don't quite know what to do with us. Once Cassie gets placed in my arms I don't let go. I find a rocking chair and hold her, talk to her, smell her, love her...I let Dave hold her for a while until my arms start itching for her again. We sit, we rock, we talk, we laugh, we cry. At one point the nurses looked for a room to put us in, but there wasn't one available. We are happy in our corner, in our rocker, getting to know each other.

Around 11:30 the phone to the nursery rings. It is A and she asked the nurses to bring her the baby for a visit. We asked if she wanted us to come down also and the nurse said no, just the baby.

Deep down we trusted A, we knew this precious baby was our daughter, the daughter that had been growing in our heart and soul for years....we still panicked. Was she changing her mind? Will she hold her, smell her, love her, will her heart melt like ours had? Will she decide that she can't go through with the adoption plan?

All those thoughts went through our heads as we watched the nurses take the baby out of the nursery. We left the hospital to get lunch.....

to be continued


suchsimplepleasures said...

so beautiful...i'm really crying!!! seriously...that was so beautifully written that you can picture everything!!

i'm doing fine! the doctor called last night...blood results were in...elevated bilirubin. so, we are waiting on the ultrasound to make a diagnosis. but, she isn't ruling out gallstones. so, we'll see. but, i'm feeling fine much less anxious, too!!! hopefully, it's not going to be too major but...whatever will be, right?'re forgiven for not doing scrolling saturday...because that post was awesome!!!

Kelly said...

I'm crying so hard. OMG!! I remember we left Jack with our A so they could bond. We went back to our hotel. And, it was so hard. I knew I would have to accept if she did change her mind, and she deserved and needed the time with Jack, alone, but I have never been so scared. Your posts bring back so many memories. Thank you for sharing. Soooo glad I found you.

Tera said...

Oh gosh, did you have to stop right there? I'm dying to hear the next installment. What a beautiful story.I bet your daughter is thrilled to be reading this and sharing the adventures of her becoming yours. What a special treasure you are creating for Cassie...and a pure story of love for all of us. Thank you.

Debra w said...


How difficult it must have been for you to let go of your daughter after holding her for the very first time! You must have just wanted to have your husband go outside, start the car, and then just run for home with the baby in your arms! It sounds like A had already made her mind up to the fact that you were Cassie's parents, but it still must have been so very hard for her to let go.

There are so many angels involved in this story. All of you, as a matter of fact! I just know that everything will turn out the way that it is supposed to, but my heart is still pounding!

Happy Saturday, sweet friend!


ChrisB said...

I think I was going through all the emotions with you as I read this post. I bet you didn't eat any lunch!

Irene Latham said...

Alison, did you keep a journal of this experience as it was happening? The level of detail is amazing. I remember when my first son was born... I wonder how many hours that year I spent just plain looking at him??? Thanks for sharing this.

bermudabluez said...

This is an amazing story and you have told it so well.....but I can't WAIT for the next heart is in my throat right now!

Beccy said...

Alison it must have so exciting and scary. I can really feel your emotions through your writing. Looking forward to the next post.

Laura McIntyre said...

I can honestly not imagine everything you had gone through to get to that point, i have never been as enthralled with a blog post as i have with these and i am hanging on every word

Cynthia said...


I love this story!!!

Aoj & The Lurchers said...

Alison!!! Nooooooo!!! Leaving us on a cliff-hanger again!!

Heather said...

Oh My goodness, I'm in tears. Please let us know how it turned out for you.

lisa's chaos said...

That had to be a huge roller coaster of emotions! It's so nice that her parents were there too. So many people there to welcome the lovely baby into the world.

Chrys said...

Alison! This brought tears. I felt those emotions. How sweet and what a mature woman A was! I felt for Cassie's grandparents too.

livin' with me said...

Why do you have to keep stopping like this?

Once again- I'm crying. This time I think I am crying happiness for you of course. But, also I feel sad for A's parents.

Alix said...

I've just been catching up with your recent posts and my heart keeps stopping in fear everytime you end like this!
It's such a beautiful story and wonderfully written thanks for sharing it.

Andrya said...

I'm sitting here sobbing, Mike thinks I'm crazy. I think A just wanted to say goodbye and tell her why she gave her to you. It takes a lot of love to give up your child so they can have a better life. Cassie is so loved. And yet, none of us can come close to how much you & Dave love her. Thank God we have her. I love you, all of you. (Sniffle) :)