this journey begins here
I coudn't believe it. The moment I let go completely, it came back to me. How prophetic is that??
I waited to call her back until Dave was home. We held our breath and dialed the number.
L answered right away and asked us if we still wanted to adopt her baby. Of course we did!!! My heart was beating a mile a minute, tears were flowing down my face. We were jumping for joy...at that moment I felt utter peace in my heart and soul.
This was exactly one week before Christmas, 1999. She was going to wait until Christmas Eve to call us, but couldn't wait that long. The previous month was hard on her also. Once she was left alone, without any distractions, she was able to think. Initially she decided to parent her baby. Her mother was disappointed, but would support her. As time wore on, she changed her mind again...and again....and again. I can not fathom the mental turmoil she went through that month. My heart broke for her while she was telling me.
Her mother came in her room one day and said, "Well, I guess we should get the extra room cleared out and get it ready for the baby." L answered her, "That won't be necessary Mom. I have decided to place the baby up for adoption, with Alison and Dave."
L had made her final decision and she was at peace with it. Her mom was at peace with it also.
The phone call was made and our world was made complete. We had a wonderful Christmas that year, knowing that it would be Cassie's last one as an only child. The following Christmas we would have a 10 month old boy crawling around. Yes, this baby was a boy and he was due in February.....the 12th to be exact.
I had decided that I wanted to breastfeed this baby. This has always been a dream of mine and through much research, I found it could also be a reality. I was taking herbal supplements in tea and pill form that could induce lactation. I also borrowed a breast pump from a friend and spent many an hour hooked up to it. I purchased a supplemental feeding device, drank liters of herbal tea, took tons of herbal supplements, and made permanent hickeys on my breasts. I was preparing for my second round of motherhood!!
The next month was also spent getting all the paperwork completed with our agency here and the one in South Carolina. The birthfather was still opposed to the adoption so we had to retain an attorney here and one in South Carolina. We also had to plan our trip back there for the birth. Our hope was to be there for the actual birth, but we also knew we would have to stay there for at least a week, if not more, after the birth before we could come home. Even though we wanted to be present for the birth, we had to be practical also. We could not fly across country and wait for a baby to make up his mind to enter into the world, knowing he could very easily be late. We made tentative plane reservation for February 12th.
Another dilemna we had was should we bring Cassie with us? We wanted her with us, but again we had to be practical. Who would watch her during the birth? Could we adequately care for a 4 year old during such an emotional time in our lives? The answer was "no". My parents kept Cassie and it turns out to be the wisest decision we made.
We also made arrangement for our dogs to stay in our friend's kennel for the duration of our trip. They knew it could be a spur of the moment drop off and were fine with the arrangements.
So, we were set. We had our bags packed. A bag packed for the baby. Travel arrangements were made. Care was set up for our daughter and our dogs. We were ready...we were in the hurry up and wait mode.
On Saturday, February 5th and 5:00 in the morning our phone rang....it was L's mother.
"L is on the way to the hospital. Her water has broken."
And so begins the most tumultuous 2 weeks of our lives....
to be continued....