The Day My Karma Left Me...

Normally I am a very easy going person. I tend to adapt the "whatever comes my way" attitude and I usually show a great deal of patience and tolerance to the public, especially store employees and people in service positions. And then we have today. I have no idea what went wrong, maybe my moons were overlapping, or were too far apart, or my sign was rising or falling....whatever....my karma was completely off today and now I am afraid to leave my house....Let me explain.

It is that time of year when I have my annual physical with my doctor. I do this because I am a responsible adult and I want to be around to enjoy my grandchildren, after all, isn't that why you have children?? I digress....part of my annual physical is to have my bodily fluids drained and analysed for any obscure or silent ailments. Of course I have to fast before having said bodily fluids drained. For me, this is very difficult. I find it extremely hard to leave the house without my cuppa tea and some food in my belly. Today my husband was home so I thought it would be a good morning for this torture since he could take the children to school. I make my breakfast to go, and put my tea in a travel mug and off I go to the lab. The lab opens at 7:30 and I arrive there at 7:20. I thought I was brilliant getting there early, but I immediately spied a group of people who were as brilliant as me. I was #4 in line. Not so bad I thought so I sat down to wait and read my book. At 7:30 exactly the doors opened and we filed in and signed in on the handy sign in sheet. The first person began the check in process. At 7:50 the first person was still in the check in process. WTF???? At this rate my breakfast to go waiting in the car for me will become lunch, if I don't pass out first from my fast and my blood pressure rising. I calmly go to the desk and ask, ever so sweetly, "Can't you just draw our blood and do all this computer crap later?" Both employees, yes I said both (2 heads better than one?? Naw), looked at me and said, in unison, "No". At that moment there was a neon sign flashing in my mind that said "MORON" and it was directed at me - What am I thinking....I can't be rude to them....they are going to be poking a needle in my arm soon....so I turned around and went back to my seat, quietly and read my book. I eventually had my turn, had my bodily fluids drained, she only shoved the needle around for a few seconds, I am sure that was payback and I left. I had a 9:00 appointment for a mammogram.

I arrive at my next appointment, check in and notice that there is only one lady ahead of me. This shouldn't take too long. The lady is an elderly Italian lady, and she was a hoot. I had the best time conversing with her, and laughing. She gets called in and by 9:20 she is out the door. Shouldn't be too long now, right? wrong... At 9:50 I calmly walk up to the desk and inquire, ever so sweetly, how much longer my wait will be. She informs me that I am next. No shit!! I already know that, how much longer is "next"?? She just looks at me...I could have swore I was speaking English...oh well, back to my seat. Finally I get called back and ready myself for the Big Squish and Flatten. She wanted me to tape a piece of metal to each nipple and I told her that if I wanted my nipples pierced I would have that done elsewhere, thank you very much. She just looked at me too. Did I become bilingual and not know it?? I am sure I am speaking English. I get my TaTa's squished and flattened and photoed sanes nipple rings.

Now, if I was smart, I would have gone home.....but NOOO...I pushed my luck and went to Trader Joe's. Have you ever gone to Trader Joe's? It is my favorite grocery store and I go weekly, but only during the week in the morning. Any other time it is pure torture. The aisles are narrow and it is always crowded. My timing is not perfect today, but it is not bad either. I should be in and out in 20 minutes....should is the operative word here. I begin my shopping and much to my dismay I find myself behind an elderly gentlemen who is talking on a cell phone. First strike against him...Trader Joe's is not conducive to cell phone gabbing...the store is too damn small and you are bound to get in some one's way. He is in my way and I can't get around him....and then...I overhear his conversation....

"Okay honey I am in front of the cheese, what kind do you want? how about blue cheese, or cheddar..what?.. you want swiss? do you want organic....yes...what...no...oh you do want organic.."

Oh for the love of God...I can't believe it....I am stuck behind an old geezer, talking with his wife on the cell phone. What ever happened to the grocery lists Man....give me a break. I spy my escape route, as we round the corner he heads to the yogurt section..."low fat?, non fat? organic? what flavor?" and I slip past him and head down the pasta section. Whew...I am free and back on track...but wait...there is toilet paper where there should be pasta...WTF?? Half the aisle is toilet paper and half is pasta. They are rearranging the store and quit half way through.....are you kidding me?? Now I have to think and try to remember everything when I normally just breeze through mindlessly plucking the usuals off the shelves. I think the Gods are definitely against me today. I make it through the store, but my basket isn't as full as it usually is...hmm..oh well....I get in the wrong checkout line, of course!! What did you expect? I start to bag my own groceries like I usually do, see I am nice like that...when a nice young gentleman employee comes over and says "I will do that"..."thank you", I reply. My order is rung up and I pay and I notice that he is still bagging. I watch him for awhile and think...."what is taking so long?" I am sure he had a mild or raging case of OCD... it looked like my bags were color coded and sorted by shapes and sizes!!! OMG...just throw the blasted items in any old bag...I have got to get home already!!! Ten minutes later I am driving home....

Now I am afraid to leave my house....can someone please pick up my kids from school at 3??