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Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Life Changes

There comes a time in every parent's life when a corner is taken and change comes. The child you whose diaper you changed just the other day enters puberty and overnight you become dumber than dirt.

I find it completely amazing that I am 42 years old, a college graduate, a successful adult.....yet I can be dumber than dirt.

I remember when my daughter was a toddler. She was very independent. I found it very difficult to deal with her level of independence. On the one hand, she obviously needed help most of the time, but on the other hand, I didn't want to crush her spirit. I knew these traits would make her a strong person and a wonderful adult. I walked a fine line trying to balance everything.

Little did I know that we would be doing the same balancing act in the teen years. My daughter is very independent and she has wonderful qualities and traits that will help her become a strong woman. But sometimes....a little help from someone is wise to accept. Again, we are walking the tightrope between independence and dependence.

Fortunately, our trying times are few and far between. We have not fully entered the teen angst years yet. I am not dumber than dirt all the time. My advice and help is occasionally solicited. I am not the ultimate enemy at all times, thankfully.

I hope that day never comes, but I need to prepare myself in case it does. At this moment in time she still listens to me and does not fight me on everything. She does like to have the last word and she will walk off in a huff. I smile to myself during these times. I remember that these traits will make her a strong, independent woman.....after all....isn't that our goal as Mothers?

I remember my teenage years vividly. I was nothing like my daughter. I was the epitome of teenage angst and I paid dearly for those years, as did my parents. I hope Cassie never reaches the levels I did, but if she does, I hope she finds a trusted adult to talk to. Whether that adult is her parents, aunt, godmother, does not matter, as long as they love her and have her best interest at heart.

Now, for my son.....he is only 8 but we are already seeing changes and so far we like what we are seeing also!!!

Change is in the air and sometimes change is a good thing.


Anonymous said...

Everyone always assumes "change" is a good thing - sometimes it is sometimes it isn't, but it always comes just the same. :)

The bad news is there are quite a few bumps ahead. The good news is that through the years you'll get glimpses of the loving, happy little girl she was before puberty hit her like a sledge hammer and she'll come out on the other side a strong, independent woman - and she'll know you were right, whether or not she says it and she'll know the right thing to do with her children.

I will tell you this - from the experience of being a girl and only bearing and raising boys - I think boys are easier on Mommas. :D

Karen in SC

Mother Goose said...

Girls come with such emotions which are good because that's what we mother's are all about. We read everything. I remember being young and wanting independence but not wanting it. Wanting my mother to leave me alone but wanting her to just hug me and tell me it's ok. It is a fine line and your windows of opportunity and to know when to back away and when to coddle are just a milisecond. Don't you remember being moody and not even knowing why? I'm that way now. It's her body, changes and new things at school that she has to sort out and process.
I'm dealing with mama drama with my 14 yr. old but there are times when she is so sweet and we connect and times when she is Cuella. We both need to seperate and come back when we can put the claws away.
Now my 8yr. old son, HOLY TOLEDO! he gets so upset and angry. He can't think and blames his issues on everyone else's fault and does not take blame. He is an extreme perfectionist. I just thank God, that he was not born a girl!!!!

Slick said...

Awesome post Alison...

Some days I don't even want my kids to grow up.

My son is 14 already and is all about girls. Like father like son.

Melissa said...

All we can hope for is what goes around DOESN'T come around in our home. LOL.

Great post!! :o)

Jan said...

Been there, done that. It really is amazing. Once my girls were 18+, Bob and I suddenly got smarter! The more they've aged the smarter we get; and BTW their perception of what age is "old", has changed, as they've aged. Amazing.

lisaschaos said...

Those teenage years into early twenties are some of the hardest. But really only a couple of mine had the whole teenage stuff that lasted about a year. Seems 16-17 was the worst. Spreading those wings.

Stella said...

I think that's what frightens me about the future. It can come on so quickly and the changes can happen so instantaneously. It's just so scary.

It sounds like you guys are doing a wonderful job. Not just from this post. I have such wonderful images of the people that your children are!!

Jennifer said...

BOYS....ARE....MUCH....EASIER....THAN....GIRLS!!!!! I speak from experience as the mother of a 13 year old girl who frequently elicits terrifying homicidal urges in me!!!

karisma said...

All will be well my friend! I survived 3 of them! The only times I found hard were when they all had PMS at the same time! Now THAT was scary! I think with the right love and attention, a childs real personality shines through all the way! Cassie is gorgeous, Im confident she will be a terrific adult one day!

My only advice to mothers of teens is LOVE THEM FIERCELY and make sure they know it, no matter what they do! Im sure you are very good at this already!

Irene Latham said...

It's a crazy journey, this parenthood thing. I guess the thing to always remember is whether we notice or not, they are becoming who they are right this very moment. We can love them madly, do our best to keep them safe, but ultimately they are their own selves.

Heather said...

I can't imagine what the teenage years are going to bring. My nine year old son though already has both a good and difficult relationship with me. there are times when it is fabulaous, and times of strain. Luckily the strain is few adn far between. But worrisome, nonetheless. I can't help but think of what will happen when he is older.

I never had those problems with my mom, but my older sister did. Luckily she was able to turn to our dad. My mom has always said she is glad my dad was able to be there for my sister during those years. Now my mom and my sister are very close.

Good luck to you and Cassie as you enter these bumpy years. I'm sure you will both do your best to love each other no matter what "junk" comes up between you. (Even on those days when you are as dumb as dirt!)

Beccy said...

What a great post. As a mother of a 15 year old (we're definitely turing a corner for the better) and 12 year old (we're definitely heading for stormy waters) times can be trying but then they can astound us and yes we're doing something right and change is for the better.