A Special Visit

Last week we had a very special visitor, Cassie's birthmother and little sister. We have been very fortunate to have a open adoption relationship with her and they live fairly close to us. We don't see them very often, but we thoroughly enjoy our visits when we have them.

Cassie's birthmother has another daughter now, she is 17 months old and is absolutely gorgeous. She does not physically resemble Cassie, but I see aspects of Cassie in her. Seeing this precious little angel takes me back to the days when Cassie was that little. It seems like it was just the other day, but, she will be 14 next month. I can't believe how fast time goes by. They have the same little hands and the same little feet. They have some of the same expressions and the same laid back personalities. Cassie's birthmother knows how to make her daughters, they may not look like her, but they have all her good qualities.

Seeing Cassie's birthmother (CM) reminds me of the love and gratitude I feel for her. Without her, I would not be a mom. To be perfectly honest, there are days when I question my desire to become a mom. When I think - "What the hell was I thinking? I signed up for this crap?" But, then again, there are days when I look at my children and cannot imagine what my life was like before I became a mom.

I love my role as a mother. I cherish it. I take it very seriously. I value it. I thank CM everyday for allowing me to take this journey. CM and I are very close. We may not see each other often, but when we do, it is like we just saw each other the day before. Our relationship is very easy going, casual, and comfortable. She walks in the house, kicks off her shoes, takes a seat, and we immediately begin our hours long chat fest. Literally, hours long. I am truly blessed to have this relationship with her. Cassie adores seeing her, and adores her little sister. She dotes on her, it warms my heart.

When Dave and I began our adoption journey 15 years ago, we were adamant about not having an open adoption. We decided we would sent a picture or two in the child's lifetime, but that was it. Somewhere along the way, we changed our minds, our perspectives. Thank God we did. I feel like we have a perfect balance. We have a precious daughter who is loved by our family and her birthfamily. We have a relationship with them that is not too intrusive on either side, but inclusive in love and respect. Cassie knows where she came from and where she is going.

CM gave us a gift 14 years ago, we are giving Cassie a gift in knowing her birthfamily, we are giving CM a gift in knowing her daughter. It is a definite win/win situation.

Life

Today I took Cassie to her yearly cardiologist appointment. She was diagnosed with a right bundle branch block 18 months ago. Fortunately, her EKG has not changed in the past 18 months so no treatment is necessary. We just need to monitor it closely, make note of any clinical/physical changes, and have regular visits with her cardiologist.





Her cardiologist's office is about an hour from our home. Ironically, it is located at the hospital she was born. Consequently her birthmother lives very near the office and we usually meet with her for a visit. Unfortunately, her birthmother was sick today so we had to postpone our get together. Cassie was disappointed, but we will schedule a visit soon. Cassie has a baby sister who will be 1 this month, she was looking forward to seeing her again.





I always find myself reminiscing when we venture down to this area. I vividly remember the day she was born. I watched my daughter today having her tests done and I became overwhelmed with emotions. I felt intense gratitude that she is healthy. Her condition does not affect her quality of life, this is a blessing.





I also thought about the miracle our bodies are, and how fragile they can become. Our bodies are a finely tuned machine and one misfired neuron can affect the entire operation. It is a wonder and a miracle. I was reminded to cherish my body, not to harm it.





My mind wandered down other avenues also. I saw my daughter as a life that was created by two people that were strangers to me. One has become a part of our family, one is still a stranger. Cassie does not physically resemble her birthmother, she may or may not resemble her birthfather. We have never met him. Irregardless, she is our daughter, given to us in love by a woman/child who was too young to become a mother. But she did become a mother in birth. She chose life for her baby. What would have happened if she hadn't made that choice? Cassie would not be here, where would my life be?





The moment that baby girl was placed in my arms my life changed. Everything changed. I love being a mom and my world revolves around my children and my home. All the choices and decisions I make are made with my family in mind. I have become a better person because I am a Mom. I am more empathetic, patient, kind, loving, compassionate, and open minded because I am a Mom. Where would my life be without Cassie? I have no idea, but I am awfully glad I don't know or need to find out. I am glad life was chosen and we were chosen to parent this angel child.





Today was a day of reflections. Another reminder of how grateful I am to have the name Mom. How grateful I am to have 2 beautiful and healthy children. How grateful I am to appreciate this gift and cherish it. How grateful I am that 2 beautiful women chose life and chose us to parent their angels.





Just for the record I believe that all women need to able to make this choice for themselves, the government should not make it for them.

Don't forget to enter my Give Away.

The Journey

The Journey of Life....our perceptions and ideals, our thoughts and beliefs. Sometimes what we think is the truth is anything but. Sometimes our prejudices and our beliefs are far from the truth. Sometimes we need to be shown the actual truth and ponder the thought for awhile, maybe learn a lesson. This has happened to me recently, and the situation has been rolling around in my head constantly. I have learned another lesson on this Journey Through Life....again...I have prejudged a person, believed what I chose to believe...and was shown another side, another angle, another view, and learned that I was wrong....so very, very wrong.

Everyone has a story, a life lived that has molded and shaped them into the person they are. Some of us were blessed with a "normal, healthy" family and childhood....some of us were not. Some of us have "A Past" that we may or may not be proud of...no matter....it created the person we are today. We have grown, learned, loved in many different ways to become many different people. Variety. A beautiful thing. I know that, I believe that, sometimes I forget.

I have a person in my life, relatively new to my life, and will probably not be in my life for very long. She was put in my life for a reason, like I believe everyone is put in your life for a reason, sometimes you just never find out why!! Well, I have found out why...to learn another lesson. I work with this young woman occasionally and in what will be a temporary situation. She has "gotten on my nerves" since Day 1 and I have not had any positive thoughts about her since Day 1. Last week she came up to me and said that we had something in common. My mind said "Yea, like what?" very sarcasticly....thankfully I have learned enough to not let what my mind says to be the same as what my mouth says (most of the time). She went on to tell me that she placed a child up for adoption the same year that we adopted our son!! She is a Birthmother and I am an Adoptive mother. Blew me away....my mind shut up real fast. If you read my post below about adoption, or if you know me at all, you know how much respect I have for Birthmothers. I hold them in the highest regard and have the utmost respect for them. Of course, right away I needed to know the details...the parallels blew me away again. Her birthdaughter and my son are the same age, she was born here and adopted by a family in North Carolina, my son was born in South Carolina and now lives here.

Do you believe in Destiny, Fate, Everything Happens for a Reason, No Coincidences...I do..and it was obvious SomeOne was trying to teach me a lesson here. Hhmm....what could it be - "don't judge a book by its cover", "get to know the person, not the package"...any of the above would work, since I was guilty of it all. I was humbled that day and I have not been able to stop thinking of it. I know better...sometimes I just forget. A little reminder, a slap in the face, a kick in the butt, a wake up call.

Everyone has a story, a life led that molds and shapes them into the person they are. Sometimes the packages are more glamorous, more glitzy, smell better, more enticing.....sometimes they are not....no matter....what is within is what is important....Lesson Learned.

I Love My Children

I love my children....really I do. Even when they drive me absolutely starking raving loony....I love my children. We worked really hard at becoming a family. We started down the infertility road only to hit a roadblock in the first mile. That was OK...in fact that was really good for us, because the detour we took gave us these beautiful children we have. Both of our kids are adopted, in open adoptions. We were blessed with not only 2 healthy, great kids but we got the added bonus of an "adopted extended family". That is the beauty of open adoption. I love my children's birthmothers. They had the love and self confidence to commit the utmost unselfish act...placing their firstborns in an adoptive home. I saw first hand the love in their eyes on the day our children were born. I also saw the pain on their faces when we brought our children home. For a woman to have that much love in their heart and withstand that much pain, it is the ultimate "Mother's Love". On the day our son was born I told his birthmother that I couldn't take him away from her, that I could see how much she loved him. She told me that is why she wanted us to have him...she loved him that much. Even today, it brings tears to my eyes. People are always amazed that we have an open adoption, even in today's society when almost all adoptions are open. They ask me how I am able to keep in contact with our birthfamilies. I ask them "How can I not? What right would I have to be so selfish when they were anything but selfless?" I am eternally grateful to our children's birthmothers. They allowed me to become a Mom....they gave me the Greatest Gift any human being can give another. How can I not love them? How can I not allow them into our childrens' lives? How can I not consider them a part of our family?