Giving Back and Getting So Much More

Our girl scout troop volunteered today at the Soup Kitchen in a nearby town. It was our first experience doing community service in this capacity. It was actually my first experience also and I must admit I was a bit nervous and I think the girls were too. The place is not in the best location, obviously, and when we pulled into the parking lot there was already a line forming. It is one of those places that I would never pull into or get out of my car.....but I am so glad I did today.



This particular soup kitchen is supported by all the local churches in all the denominations. It is very heartwarming to see all the many faiths working together to help the community. Our church works the 4th Sunday of every month and we provide all the food for that day. Meals are served daily, with different churches/organizations donating food and services. The menu today consisted of milk or coffee, a sandwich, soup, rolls, and a dessert. We also gave a "second sandwich" to go, which we wrapped for them.



We had an hour of prep time to prepare all the food. The meal was served for one hour and fifteen minutes and then the doors were closed for the day.

I was extremely impressed with the organization, the respect, the politeness, and the kindness. We served 216 meals today and I only had one person who was rude. There were homeless people, people with mental illnesses, black people, white people, Asian people, Hispanic people, older people, men, women, and children of all ages and colors. The children pulled at my heart strings, I knew they would. The young father who got milk for him and his toddler son and then poured both milks in his son's bottle pulled at my heart strings. The young couple with 3 young daughters who had the best manners pulled at my heart strings. The older gentleman with one tooth and a dirty, ripped jacket who told me I poured the best cup of coffee he had ever had pulled at my heart strings. The older lady who thanked me for giving her a meal today pulled at my heart strings. The teenagers who I would have avoided on the street, who called me Ma'am and said please and thank you pulled at my heart strings.

I was very proud of our girls today. They served all these people with love and kindness, gave them some dignity, looked them in the eye and realized they are just people. People who are not as fortunate as they are maybe, but people like them just the same. I think our girls grew a bit today, I know I did.

This Soup Kitchen served 5400 meals last month. The number is slowly rising as our economy worsens. They have a minimal budget and rely heavily on donations. If you have the means or the time I am sure you have a soup kitchen in your community that needs help. We will definitely be back.

A Glorious Day

This is the covered bridge at Knights Ferry. It is about a 2 hour drive from us. We went there yesterday for a picnic. It was a glorious day which was made even better because of the company we were keeping.We spent a lovely day with Mamarazzi and her gorgeous daughter Jordan and wonderful husband. Mamarazzi and I had the pleasure to meet a few months ago and instantly clicked. We knew our daughters would get along and they became penpals. Yesterday was their first IRL visit and we were right, they did get along beautifully.

We picnicked along the Stanislaus River. It is gorgeous this time of year. The hills are green and the wildflowers are blooming. The weather was perfect, 85 degrees and blue skies.

The girls had a blast walking along a river and climbing rocks. Big Daddy went with them and took these pictures. Mamarazzi and I sat in the shade and talked and talked. I think we talked for the entire 5 hours we were there. It is funny how we never ran out of things to say!!

Aren't these girls gorgeous?? They are beautiful through and through!

Thanks for a wonderful time Mamarazzi, Big Daddy, and Jordan. It will definitely not be our last visit!!! I love how we have clicked and I feel very honored to call you Friend.

Spring has Sprung

Spring has sprung in my garden. Let me take you on a tour.

The apple tree is full of blossoms. It looks like we will a bumper crop this year.

I have many, many roses. This is the climber that is on the arbor over the gate that leads to our pool. It has the most wonderful aroma, the old fashioned rose scent, my favorite. This climber is near our bedroom....I love it when it wafts into our room.

Another view of the delicate pink roses with the wonderful scent.

This rose is near our front door. It makes a lovely greeter for our guests.

Another front yard rose...another welcoming site as you come to our front door. I think I have about 20 rose bushes in all colors and sizes spread throughout our yards. Not all of them are in bloom yet, but all of them are covered in buds.

Here are more apple blossoms. This is Michael's apple tree. This area was left free of plants, it just contained dirt. I called it Michael's area and he spent hours and hours digging in the dirt creating roads for his cars. The area was littered with Matchbox cars and Tonka trucks. Michael also planted many, many seeds from his apples over the course of a few years hoping to grow an apple tree in his area. A few years ago we bought a tree and planted it together. It has always been known as Michael's tree and he always gets to eat the first apple of the season.

This is Michael eating the very first apple harvested from the tree. This photo was taken 3 years ago. Look how little the apple is!!

Roses, Roses, Roses....nature's perfume.

I love the sunlight filtering through the vine.

Cherry blossoms. This tree is in our pool yard and it looks like we are going to have a huge crop this year. Last year the cherries never made it into the house. We would sit by the pool and pick and eat cherries right then. Our intent was to pick and bring in the house, but they were so good, they never made it inside!! We may have enough to share with our family friends this year, maybe!

Back to Nature

Last Saturday we began our day lazing around the house. It started out as a nice peaceful morning and at some point it started to change into a bickering session between the kids.

It was at this point that I made an executive decision to get out of the house and get back to nature. I figured the children needed an attitude adjustment and a hike was just the motivation they needed.

After much grumbling and groaning and "do I have to?" asked numerous times, we loaded up the van and drove to the beginning of the trail.

This handsome fellow was the only one of my children that was very excited about the idea and he willingly jumped in the van with a big smile on his face. Isn't that smile gorgeous??

The hike started slow with the age old questions - "how long is this going to take?" "how far are we going to go?" I just smiled at them and kept walking. I knew that nature would soon weave her magic on them and their attitudes would soon change.
Remember the wildflowers Dave and I collected last week? Like I promised, these are the seeds from that bouquet.
The kids had a blast distributing the seeds among the hills. I think Baron thought they were scrumptious dog treats, he was sorely disappointed!!

We found numerous animal tracks and were able to identify raccoon, deer, coyote, and mountain lion. We even found a set of tracks that looked like a coyote hunting a small deer and taking it down. This led to a very interesting discussion about the Circle of Life, prey/predator relationships and their impact on the environment. I love these conversations with my children, it warms my heart.

We also made a new friend. After a brief relationship, she flew away.

As I expected, nature cast her magic spell on my children and the attitudes miraculously changed. Soon they were running and laughing and having a wonderful time. A bit of fresh air, some exercise, some conversation, and a lot of laughter is definitely the best medicine.

Here are the children at the end of our hike. Look at their gorgeous smiles, the happiness on their faces warms my heart. The magic is definitely working here. An hour earlier they were bickering and arguing and definitely not smiling.

More magic. I also love watching the children and dog running together. It is a truly beautiful site.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter!!! Have a joyful and peaceful day!!


We will spend the day with our parents and have a wonderful Easter meal and Easter egg hunt for our kids....I am so glad they are not too old for the egg hunt...I know that day is coming.


Enjoy.

Urban Landscape

As you know...I love nature. If I had my druthers, I would live on acres and acres and grow all my own food and have cows, goats, chickens, horses, etc. I find much beauty and solace in nature and peace and quiet. Bird song and insect song is beautiful music to my ears.

Of course, that is not my life. I live in suburbia, close to the big city and close to nature. It is actually a perfect place to live, I get the best of both worlds. I also try to see beauty everywhere. I have been known to pull over when driving when something pleases my eye.

I don't have a great camera, just a point and shoot device....someday I would LOVE a nice camera - are you listening Santa??

On our trip to the big City to see Wicked- the most wonderful musical - I decided to bring the camera and find beauty in our urban landscape. This is what we saw...some of the pictures were taken by me and some were taken by Cassie. Every one of these photos speaks to me in a different way.....Enjoy.

Beauty can be found everywhere....it is all a matter of perspective.

A Welcome and a Thank You

There is a new blogger in our midst. Her name is Pam, we affectionately refer to her as Auntie Pammy in our house. I have had the pleasure of calling her a dear friend for many years now. Here is the link to her blog...head on over and say Hi and give her a big bloggy welcome!!


I also want to acknowledge a regular commenter on my blog. She comments under Anonymous but always signs her comments "Karen in SC". She is my son Michael's birth great aunt and a truly beautiful person. Her comments are wonderful, she gives the best advice and adds a dose of love in every word. She is a very wise woman and I feel totally blessed to have her in my life. Thanks Karen...I love you!!


Have a wonderful day everyone!!

Wicked

Last summer, while on a vacation, I read Wicked. It is a wonderful book, I highly recommend it. I immediately made a mental wish that the musical would come to town because I missed it the last time it was here.

I came home from vacation and was checking my email when lo and behold....Wicked was coming to town and I had an invitation to purchase tickets before they went on sale to the general public!!

I could not get my credit card out fast enough!! Today was the much anticipated day and let me tell you....I was not disappointed and neither was Cassie. The show was FABULOUS!! Words alone cannot describe it. If you have a chance....go see it!!! You will not be disappointed...actually..you will...when it is over!! I almost cried when it ended. I did cry when Elphaba and Glinda sang this song:

Another favorite part was this song....The song itself is amazing, but the stage show is equally amazing for this song -

I think this is my new favorite musical!!

Healing after the Storm

Experience has taught me that growth is born from pain. There are no regrets, only lessons to be learn. Mistakes are made in order to educate myself in life. I know this, but it is so hard to remember when mired in the pain.

Last week/month has been difficult here, as you read on my post the other day. I knew there would be much growth both individually and as a family, but I also knew we had to go through the mire and pain to get there. I think we are there now, I know we are there now. Our family has grown and so have we individually.

Healing, for me, at times can be difficult. I know what my spirit needs to heal, but sometimes I am so mired in the muck that I resist my needs. I knew, this time, I had to fight through the muck or I would get so entrenched in it that I would not find my way out, for awhile.

Friday night both children were gone on sleepovers and Dave had plans with a friend. I knew that if I stayed home alone I would make myself very comfortable in the muck. Usually I love my alone time...but not this time. I knew it would be unhealthy for me.

I called my best friend, the one person who knows me better than anyone. We have been friends for over 30 years (can you believe we are that old T??) My friend who has a blog but won't give me the link to it!!!, but reads my blog daily!!! Anyway....we went out for Chinese food and then came to my house and made cookies and talked and laughed for hours. For Hours!! It was wonderful. Just what I needed...some Girlfriend Time. Thanks T....you are the bestest friend ever....(even if you won't link me to your blog).

Saturday Dave and I had the day to ourselves. The kids were not due home until mid afternoon. I suggested that we take the hike I took you on yesterday in my post. It was a glorious day and the hills were more colorful than they were last week. We walked for over 2 hours and talked and laughed and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.

Halfway through the walk I realized that Dave was not next to me. I turned around and saw him bent over picking a wildflower. There is nothing more endearing to me, or humbling, than to see the man I love picking a wildflower. It brought tears to my eyes. We lamented about picking a bouquet because our motto about nature has always been - "Leave only footprints and take only pictures and memories". We felt it would be wrong to pick a bouquet, but we really wanted to. So...we compromised. We picked a bouquet and promised the Wildflower Fairies that we would save the seeds and return them to the hills. We spent the next half of the walk picking the gorgeous bouquet you see in this post.

We weathered the storm. We have grown as a family and as individuals. Healing, for me, took place in the laughter, the friendship, the love, the flowers, the hills....nature. Another storm is brewing on the horizon. I do not know when it will get here, but know it will come. I have gained important knowledge through this storm. I know it will help me through the next one. Most importantly I know that through love and nature....I will flourish, I will grow, and I will heal.

Spring Hike

I found this trail a couple of months ago quite by accident. I was walking my dog and saw an entrance to a fire road and decided to do a bit of exploring. I was pleasantly surprised by what I found. The trail/fire road winds its way through the hills around town and goes on for miles. We have been walking it regularly. Baron can get some off leash time, which he LOVES, and I can enjoy the quiet of nature, which I LOVE. It is about a 2 mile walk from our house, up hills, to the beginning of the trail and then we will walk the trail for about a mile before going home. The other day I decided to go on a wildflower walk on the trail. We have had a lot of rain recently and the wildflowers are just beginning to bloom. I knew we would walk quite a distance, so we drove to the beginning of the trail, and I am glad we did. We ended up walking for almost 2 hours and it was pure heaven.

This is my favorite time of year. The hills are green and lush, the skies are blue, and the air is full of birdsong. Oak trees are one of my favorite trees, redwoods being the other. They are so majestic and strong. I love seeing an old oak tree in a sea of green grass. Baron has decided to have a rest in the shade of this beauty. Doesn't he look small and insignificant next to the tree?

We won't be able to hike this trail much longer. All this beautiful green grass will soon be a deadly carpet for Baron. Fox tails....thousands of them are just waiting to bloom. I have spent thousands of dollars at the vets due to these pesky little critters. I avoid them at all costs. Also, this area is rattlesnake heaven. These creatures will soon be out of hibernation and I do not want to encounter any of them. One of my childhood dogs was killed by a rattlesnake...it was horrible. We will enjoy the beauty now and pack it away in our mind until next spring.

Just gorgeous...more oak trees...more lush greenness. Soon all these hills will be golden brown in the hot days of summer. The greenness will be gone for another year.

Our first wildflowers. I don't know what these are called, but they reminded me of baby daffodils. I loved them.

Purple lupine and California poppies. California at its finest!! What a winning combination.

Lupine in the background and I am not sure what in the foreground, but it pleases my eye and soul. I think I need to do a quick tutorial on wildflowers!! I must educate myself.

The hills are definitely alive with color. This picture does not do it justice. The poppies, the lupine, the oaks, the sea of green...it does not get much better than this.

Baron and I enjoyed our wildflower hike. We will be back again, but not until next year. The fox tails are blooming and the rattlesnakes are waking up. We will be smart and safe and find a new walking trail. I also saw mountain lion tracks on the trail....it was very exciting!!

Difficult Times

Today I have an emotional hang over. You know the feeling? I am drained, tired, anxious, and have zero energy. Yesterday, yesterday....how should I begin? It all started 14 years ago when we came up with the brilliant idea to adopt a baby!! No one told us that parenting would be so fucking hard! Why doesn't anyone warn you?


I have blogged about the difficulty with Michael the past few months in regards to his homework and such. Happily, I can say....it is much easier now. We found a solution that is working without too much tear, drama, and yelling. Thank.God.


Cassie...my sweet little girl Cassie. She is struggling right now and it is breaking my heart. She had an issue last month that was heartbreaking and very difficult, as a parent, to go through...but we did. As usual, with hard situations, we came out the other side stronger and learned some valuable lessons. I was just coming off this emotional roller coaster and thought (big mistake) that I was going to coast for awhile.


Yesterday, my phone rang at lunch...it was the school. It was her Spanish teacher asking me if I had seen/signed the test she sent home on Tuesday. I honestly could not remember (I sign so many papers from this nice Catholic school on a daily basis) and asked her what the grade was. 59%, she tells me and she said it is signed, but she did not recognize the signature. Do you see where this is going? Yes, you guessed right. I was hoping for the outcome that I really did sign it, but just didn't remember....nope, no chance.


Cassie's version - she forged it because she forgot to have me sign it and she did not want to get a deficiency and the reason she got caught is because it was the first time she had done it and she wasn't very good at it. At least she didn't add the word "yet" to the end of her tirade....little things to be grateful for!!


This rocked me to the core. It is not the fact that she failed the test, it is the dishonesty. I don't like the dishonesty. It scares me to see this in my child. I feel that I have failed somehow. There is something that I am not doing that I should be doing, or I have done something that I should not have done.


I was able to get down to the nitty gritty with her. I knew there was more to the story than this superficial stuff. Sure enough...more bullshit from her "oh so catholic" bitch classmates. Can you tell I am done with them. I swear this school just breed viciousness in its girls. I can do nothing about it either. Cassie does not fit into their mold (thank God!!) and she tries to, oh how she tries to, but unfortunately, it only makes the situation worse. The school is too damn small to escape the narrow mindedness....hence...she is singled out and teased mercilessly. One more month of this crap...just one more month.


I know that Cassie plays a vital role in all this drama and I am trying to teach her this. She comes home from school internally raging from her hurt and frustration and Michael gets the brunt of her unleashing. I told her that these girls are carrying around a bunch of shit that they don't know what to do with so they dump it on her and willingly carries it around until she comes home and it gets too heavy for her so she dumps it on Michael. I told her there was too much shit flying around and it was getting very stinky. How do you teach a 13/14 year old girl to not pick it up?


I wish she had more self confidence/esteem to ignore the comments/looks/whispers from her classmates. My heart breaks for her....it is horrible. I also know that she needs to learn how to do this or the pattern will just repeat itself in high school with a different group of kids. I told her this, I hope it helps her.


Last night as I was mired in this muck, ready to cry at the drop of hat, our doorbell rang. It was our next door neighbor with 2 tickets to the San Francisco Giants vs. Oakland A's game in the City. I did not want to go. I wanted to crawl in bed and cry. We went and I did cry, in the car, until we reached the Bay Bridge. Seeing the beautiful City and the bay calmed me. We had a good time, did not stay out too late, but it was just enough to get away, as adults. I truly believe God guided our neighbor to our house....Dave and I truly needed the little get away.


I am still a down today. I don't know what Cassie's punishment at school is going to be. I don't know how she will deal with the drama from her classmates. She has only 1 more month at this school....1 more month....I hope she makes it.


If you are still reading this...thanks...I needed the vent. I feel lighter.

A Special Visit

Last week we had a very special visitor, Cassie's birthmother and little sister. We have been very fortunate to have a open adoption relationship with her and they live fairly close to us. We don't see them very often, but we thoroughly enjoy our visits when we have them.

Cassie's birthmother has another daughter now, she is 17 months old and is absolutely gorgeous. She does not physically resemble Cassie, but I see aspects of Cassie in her. Seeing this precious little angel takes me back to the days when Cassie was that little. It seems like it was just the other day, but, she will be 14 next month. I can't believe how fast time goes by. They have the same little hands and the same little feet. They have some of the same expressions and the same laid back personalities. Cassie's birthmother knows how to make her daughters, they may not look like her, but they have all her good qualities.

Seeing Cassie's birthmother (CM) reminds me of the love and gratitude I feel for her. Without her, I would not be a mom. To be perfectly honest, there are days when I question my desire to become a mom. When I think - "What the hell was I thinking? I signed up for this crap?" But, then again, there are days when I look at my children and cannot imagine what my life was like before I became a mom.

I love my role as a mother. I cherish it. I take it very seriously. I value it. I thank CM everyday for allowing me to take this journey. CM and I are very close. We may not see each other often, but when we do, it is like we just saw each other the day before. Our relationship is very easy going, casual, and comfortable. She walks in the house, kicks off her shoes, takes a seat, and we immediately begin our hours long chat fest. Literally, hours long. I am truly blessed to have this relationship with her. Cassie adores seeing her, and adores her little sister. She dotes on her, it warms my heart.

When Dave and I began our adoption journey 15 years ago, we were adamant about not having an open adoption. We decided we would sent a picture or two in the child's lifetime, but that was it. Somewhere along the way, we changed our minds, our perspectives. Thank God we did. I feel like we have a perfect balance. We have a precious daughter who is loved by our family and her birthfamily. We have a relationship with them that is not too intrusive on either side, but inclusive in love and respect. Cassie knows where she came from and where she is going.

CM gave us a gift 14 years ago, we are giving Cassie a gift in knowing her birthfamily, we are giving CM a gift in knowing her daughter. It is a definite win/win situation.

A Poet Among Us

Jan emailed me today to let me know that she published a few of Cassie's poems on her blog for National Poetry Month. I was so excited and couldn't wait to tell Cassie. I felt like my daughter won the Pulitzer Prize!! Crazy, isn't it? Needless to say, Cassie was very excited and when writing a comment on Jan's post, she wrote another poem...just like that. I wish I had that talent!! Here is the post.

Thanks Jan...you made her day...and mine too!!!