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Friday, April 3, 2009

Difficult Times

Today I have an emotional hang over. You know the feeling? I am drained, tired, anxious, and have zero energy. Yesterday, should I begin? It all started 14 years ago when we came up with the brilliant idea to adopt a baby!! No one told us that parenting would be so fucking hard! Why doesn't anyone warn you?

I have blogged about the difficulty with Michael the past few months in regards to his homework and such. Happily, I can is much easier now. We found a solution that is working without too much tear, drama, and yelling. Thank.God. sweet little girl Cassie. She is struggling right now and it is breaking my heart. She had an issue last month that was heartbreaking and very difficult, as a parent, to go through...but we did. As usual, with hard situations, we came out the other side stronger and learned some valuable lessons. I was just coming off this emotional roller coaster and thought (big mistake) that I was going to coast for awhile.

Yesterday, my phone rang at was the school. It was her Spanish teacher asking me if I had seen/signed the test she sent home on Tuesday. I honestly could not remember (I sign so many papers from this nice Catholic school on a daily basis) and asked her what the grade was. 59%, she tells me and she said it is signed, but she did not recognize the signature. Do you see where this is going? Yes, you guessed right. I was hoping for the outcome that I really did sign it, but just didn't remember....nope, no chance.

Cassie's version - she forged it because she forgot to have me sign it and she did not want to get a deficiency and the reason she got caught is because it was the first time she had done it and she wasn't very good at it. At least she didn't add the word "yet" to the end of her tirade....little things to be grateful for!!

This rocked me to the core. It is not the fact that she failed the test, it is the dishonesty. I don't like the dishonesty. It scares me to see this in my child. I feel that I have failed somehow. There is something that I am not doing that I should be doing, or I have done something that I should not have done.

I was able to get down to the nitty gritty with her. I knew there was more to the story than this superficial stuff. Sure enough...more bullshit from her "oh so catholic" bitch classmates. Can you tell I am done with them. I swear this school just breed viciousness in its girls. I can do nothing about it either. Cassie does not fit into their mold (thank God!!) and she tries to, oh how she tries to, but unfortunately, it only makes the situation worse. The school is too damn small to escape the narrow mindedness....hence...she is singled out and teased mercilessly. One more month of this crap...just one more month.

I know that Cassie plays a vital role in all this drama and I am trying to teach her this. She comes home from school internally raging from her hurt and frustration and Michael gets the brunt of her unleashing. I told her that these girls are carrying around a bunch of shit that they don't know what to do with so they dump it on her and willingly carries it around until she comes home and it gets too heavy for her so she dumps it on Michael. I told her there was too much shit flying around and it was getting very stinky. How do you teach a 13/14 year old girl to not pick it up?

I wish she had more self confidence/esteem to ignore the comments/looks/whispers from her classmates. My heart breaks for is horrible. I also know that she needs to learn how to do this or the pattern will just repeat itself in high school with a different group of kids. I told her this, I hope it helps her.

Last night as I was mired in this muck, ready to cry at the drop of hat, our doorbell rang. It was our next door neighbor with 2 tickets to the San Francisco Giants vs. Oakland A's game in the City. I did not want to go. I wanted to crawl in bed and cry. We went and I did cry, in the car, until we reached the Bay Bridge. Seeing the beautiful City and the bay calmed me. We had a good time, did not stay out too late, but it was just enough to get away, as adults. I truly believe God guided our neighbor to our house....Dave and I truly needed the little get away.

I am still a down today. I don't know what Cassie's punishment at school is going to be. I don't know how she will deal with the drama from her classmates. She has only 1 more month at this school....1 more month....I hope she makes it.

If you are still reading this...thanks...I needed the vent. I feel lighter.


ChrisB said...

I really don't know what to say because it's heartbreaking to know your child is suffering. I remember Beccy telling me years after she left school that she had been picked on and how unhappy she was. I felt terrible that I didn't know at the time (she had difficult teenage years but I could never get to the bottom of it). Lets hope you and Cassie can get through this next month (hugs to you both).

Mother Goose said...

I am really sorry about all this. One more month, one more month.
You know I have forged my mom's name before, not because I didn't want her to see it, but for the same reason, I didn't want to stay after etc. I would have covered for my kid and then we would have had a good heart to heart. don't do that again, i WONT cover next time, etc etc.

This is all girl drama. We have all lived and been through it and sadly some people adults still don't grow out of that crap! Be there for her, give her the words and the actions to get her through those moments. I am so glad you have a great neighbor who was there to lift your spirits.

Jan said...

It'll get better, I promise. For the next month or from now on, give her permission to forge your signature, if necessary. Just tell her to keep you informed. I know it sounds crazy, but it works.

Pamela said...

I don't understand why girls have to be so mean.

I was even mean to my parents when I was little.

"This too, shall pass."

Karmyn R said...

I am so sorry to hear that.

For some reason girls get so mean to one another. I think it happens everywhere. And those "cliques" of popular girls seem to be the most ruthless about it.

I hope Cassie can remember to hold her head high and be who she is - and be proud of herself. Try and help her.

(I am not looking forward to these situations with my daughter!)

karisma said...

Well I can only speak for myself and I would not be punishing her at all. I think she is dealing with enough on her plate right now. This is a hard age and I can vouch that it will pass. She needs to know that you support her at this time no matter what she chooses to do (although sometimes she might not make the right choices, she will learn from that herself). I can honestly say that at times my girls have done worse things than forge my signature. And that they learned some very valuable lessons by themselves. The important thing is that you talk to her and tell her how you feel about her actions and how it has affected you personally. Ok she made a mistake but at the time she felt it was the right thing to do. I am yet to meet a perfect human being, cut her some slack this time mama! Mwah and big hugs to you both xxxoooxxx

Coffee Bean said...

Oh Sweetie...

I so understand your frustration and so understand the feelings that come with walking your children through those choices you wish they would not make. It is so hard. So much harder than I imagined possible when my children were small.

I will be praying for you and your family. Beautiful pictures in the posts above, btw.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Don't be so hard on do dumb, crazy things. My teenage girl is driving me nuts right now but I really believe it's just one of those phases.
Best of luck to you all, glad you had a little get-away!

Anonymous said...

Babies are angels whose wings grow shorter as their legs grow longer. :) I forgot where that came from but it is certainly true.

I remember clearly the first time my oldest child looked at me with his big blue eyes and lied in my face - he was 5.

They lied to us, forged our names, cheated on tests, skipped classes, fought like cats and dogs, were mean to each other and who knows what else. And I vaguely remember doing the same things myself, of which I'm ashamed to say.

They may as well tell you when they hand you that perfect infant wrapped in a blanket - "this beautiful baby will lie to you, yell at you, disrespect you and then they'll suddenly be grown and gone and you'll miss even those days" :)

Karen in SC

lisaschaos said...

Ok, now I'm in the loop. I'm sure this was hard and hurt you deep. From what I know of your darling daughter I would bet it won't happen again. *hugs*

melissa said...

i am having the same type of problems, phone calls, emails...regarding my 13 y/o son. are some big hugs to you! it's so hard.

Anonymous said...

Trust me it does get better! Krystina dealt with the same narrow minded, over indulged, could do no wrong bitches when she was at that school. I used to cry for her but in the end it did make her stronger. When she went to high school she could choose her friends instead of being pushed into a group she did not fit into. Cassie is a very smart, loving, beautiful girl!! I know she will use these past years and grow from them in the next chapter of her life to come.

I love you all!
Nina T